She

She just wants to stay black and be happy,
not condemned if her hair is a little nappy,
and then if she straightens it, you still judge,
but off her pedestal she will not budge.

She doesn’t want to be looked at funny when she laughs so hard she has to snort,
Not shunned when you think her skirt is a little too short.

She has a round face, big thighs and a little tummy,
and pretty little lips just like her mommy.

Her soul is so sweet it drips nectar inside,
And no longer does she care to hide.

Regardless of what you say,
she thinks she’s cute and for that there are a few to blame.

One her mother, two her father, whom conceived her in love
and three the heavenly father who shined from above, to make,
the perfectly imperfect mix of DNA,
made a person so full of flaws but she makes them go MIA.
When you look at her you wouldn’t even know that shes a little insecure
and not so pure —– like you thought.

She walks gracefully and at 5 feet,
she stands tall as an evergreen tree.
She’s purposeful, kind, loving and smart.
The way God created her, mimics a piece of priceless art.
Yet she remains humble, caring and meek,
but watch out she can have a little mean streak! Only when it’s needed.
She will always try to be the best she can be.
She is me.

New York SOM

Sometimes I dream of packing up and moving to New York City,
to get lost in the hustle and bustle and see street art.
To play in the concrete jungle with the animals.
To stand in the city that never sleeps
silently,it’s too loud to even make a peep.

To be insignificant
But I can’t.
I’m afraid of what they may say.
Kinda like when you stay in the closet and won’t admit you’re gay,
For fear of repercussion
you never have the discussion.
You live a phoney life with your beard, excuse me, your wife
You have a nice house 2.1 kids and a dog, but still your head remains in a fog…

So anyway, back to me
So I sit and live a life where I constantly feel like I have already died inside,
If I don’t see New York soon I may cry,
Some wonder why,
Why can’t you just work pay your bills and die?
Because that’s not what I was made for!

So this score,

I must settle between what my mind says and what is happening in front of my eyes.
I’ve packed my bags and I am never looking back.
If you didn’t care when I was here you shouldn’t care when I am gone.
I’m leaving for New York tomorrow,
Like they say by the time you read this I’ll be gone.
What will they say? Who cares.

Happy Mother’s Day

It’s that time of year again! That time we honor the women who have kissed our boo boos, clean our noses and gave us life. We take mom out to dinner and maybe give her a card or flower, but do we ever stop to think what a mother really is? She is more than the pretty lady who fixed your dinner or tucked you into bed. She is a an unconditional heart always there to support you even when you didn’t make the right decision. She is the woman who may have worked outside of the home so you could have somewhere to live somewhere to be safe somewhere to learn create and grow as an individual. Being with mom was safe. She put your weird drawings on the refrigerator and told you you could be anything you wanted. Some of us have become singers, doctor’s, teachers, painters, CEOs and lawyers and it was all because that little lady you call every now and again believed in you when no one else did.

Happy Mother’s Day Monday

Glass Box

Most days I sit here in a daze,
Secretly wishing it would all go up in a blaze,
So then, I could finally be free,
Free to totally be me.
Me.
Who am I you ask?
I’m a quirky random individual full of a task,
that I have yet to master,
because I’m not quite sure what it is.

I know that its something major, huge, dare I say supreme?
Something that has to be done, something that has to come forth on this earth in this time,
but its too much bull (bleep) cluttering my mind.
So now I am unable to find that one thing that I am made for.
I do know I am a person full of creativity, kinda like when you have had too much wine and there is no bathroom in sight so your bladder feels confined, you better hold it.
Don’t let it go, people may see, your pants full of creative pee.

So I sit stuck in a glass box;
a glass box which I wish I could say was already broken.
Then I think is that really true?
Do I want to really escape? Do you?
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure I really want too.

It’s safe here in my little glass box
So I guess for the time being I’ll stay.
Stay here everyday,
I will work like an ox,
Aimlessly filing, stapling, hole punching and what not.

Red Bird

Early one morning I heard a noise.

I walked past my couch and wondered what it could be.

I looked up and out into my back yard and saw a little red bird looking back at me.

I smiled.

It was one of the most beautiful things I had seen in a while.

Tiny little red bird with a tiny little beak.

In hopes that I could make this scene last a little longer, I turned to grab my phone.

And when I spun back around, my little red friend was gone.

I frowned.

I really wanted to enjoy its beauty just a little longer.

It seems that beautiful things don’t come along as often as they ought too.

And here I go trying to make it last longer than I needed too.

Tried to capture it instead of enjoying the moment like I should do.

Love, what are you so afraid of?

Love, what are you so afraid of?
All I want to do is take a hold of you.
I show you I care and that I will always be there,
I just don’t know what else to do.
You always seem to come around at the most inopportune times,
times when I have forgotten all about you.
Then I have to rearrange my life and sometimes get involved in a lot of strife,
just to fit you in, and then…
then you leave again.
Love,what are you so afraid of?
I wonder why you just won’t take a hold of me.
I guess, love, me and you, just aren’t meant to be.

30 somethings PSA

There are times in life where you need to know the truth. Unfortunately, I think it’s time for a little public service announcement. This is going to hurt a few of you, but because the girly loves you I must tell you. So prepare yourself. It may change the way you look at everything. I hope you understand I must do this. Here goes…30 IS NOT THE NEW 20. Wait don’t pass out. I know, I know you thought you would be able to wear those short shorts and stay up late and still look refreshed because somehow turning 30 meant you were 20 in your head, but you’re really 30 and oh my goodness you look a mess. I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you but you need to take yourself to bed; don’t you have to work in the morning? Yes guys and gals you have hit the mark of the big 3-0 (and beyond). I know you think by some stretch of the imagination you can go back in time and make life different by giving yourself 10 extra years. We hear it every day. They say, “ Yes, girl, you look good for 30, you know 30 is the new 20?” And to our poor guys, “Yeah fellas, 30 ain’t nothing, lets hit these streets, don’t you know it’s the new 20?” They have gone as far as…wait who is “they”? Ever notice people say that when they never heard a specific person say something? I digress. “They” have gone as far as say 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30 and so on. Makes me wonder; is death is the new 80?

Why do we want to be something we aren’t? Listen 30-somethings, you must band together and unite before it’s too late! We have lived and learned thru those 20 somethings and made all the mistakes some 20 somethings make. Let’s “turn down”. For what, you say? Because you’re older. Yep, I said it. Chill mode time has come. Why go back and act like a 20 year old when you know with your grown self that you need to pull yourself up by the boot straps and be an adult?

Just to help soften the blow, I have compiled a list of 5 not so scientific reasons to prove to you that 30 is not the new 20 and you are actually 30 years old, say it with me “thiiiirty”. Good job. Just except it and be happy.

#1 You can’t eat fries at 2 am anymore without heartburn or it sticking to your thighs the next morning.
#2 You start referring to rude 20 somethings as young punks.
#3 You start to think it’s not cute anymore to live off mommy and daddy’s money.
#4 When someone says “yes mam/sir” you actually appreciate it.
#5 It’s Friday at 9:30 pm and you are in your jammies (pajamas) and actually nodding off.

Simply stated 30 is not the new 20. It’s ok, everyone will have to deal with it someday. So embrace your 30’s don’t act as if it is a curse to get older. Be thankful you have had that many years on earth. Love your tiny laugh lines, it means you have seen a lot of happy days. Love that strand of grey hair you have, it makes you look distinguished. Love the little stubborn pudge you can’t seem to work off no matter how many crunches you do, it means you’re blessed to have food everyday… or you’re still eating fries at 2 am. 🙂

No 20 somethings were harmed in the making of this post 🙂

Mommy Dearest

I like to think I was a decent child. I didn’t cause too many problems when I was younger. BUT and this is a big BUT, as I aged a bit, I have gotten myself into some situations that may not have made my “mommy dearest” too proud at the time. I hear mothers speak about their children like they are little princes and princesses and can do absolutely no wrong. Don’t get me wrong that is how it should be and right now they probably are sweet little people. On the other hand, I have been told there are a lot of mothers who sometimes put down other little kids because they don’t measure up to their precious ones. Can you believe these people actually exist? I have to admit I know I have said something in the past about a child’s behavior without taking into account factors that are beyond the child’s control. Nowadays, I try to curb my tongue, especially since I am not a mother yet. I had to evaluate myself and come to the conclusion that it is not very wise to put other kids down especially when I had no idea what these children may be dealing with, or how mine will turn out. Now don’t get me wrong I know we are going to give a side eye or two when we see a tantrum going on or offer “something” to “get that kid together”. I’m talking about more serious situations that have a deeper cause than a child being a spoiled brat.

There may be a reason why this preteen is sending pictures to your son of places that should remain covered until she gets into the shower. Do you know she was molested by her older cousin’s friend for years and that is the only way she knows how to get attention? Oh yeah, and we haven’t discussed what your little sweet boy sent in a text to her. Ok, ok before you start yelling at the screen: In no way do I condone this activity or think it should go unpunished, but instead of telling everyone at the PTA meeting maybe you should cover her in prayer. Or at least try to speak to her parents privately about the situation.

The little girl on your daughter’s soccer team jersey looks a little dingy. She’s a happy little girl who wants to play soccer with her friends. Her reality is that her father kicked her mom out 2 weeks ago and cleaned out her bank account. They are now penniless and living with the grandmother who can barely take care of herself. Forget paying to wash clothes they need to eat. Why not wash it in the sink you say? Water’s off this week.

The little 16 year old down the street is fighting again. Before you holler “ghetto girl” you should know that her parents have not been home for three days, again, and someone just tried to take her little sister’s lunch. There is no more food in the house.

You can do the best you can to raise your sweet little girl along with her biological father whom you are married too and living with in your perfect little 3 bedroom house. Be wise mam’, know that she will grow up. I’m not saying she will turn into a tramp but be careful what you speak about other little girls or boys for that matter. the bible says, “train up a child…” and you know the rest. And I believe in that. Although I didn’t “depart from it” I sure took a little break from time to time. Also, be careful of saying what you will and will not tolerate. You never know what you will do until you are put in a situation. My mother was the perfect example of what a woman should be and I have never had “daddy issues” as my father was always in my life. But there are some things; a few people may be able to attest to, that I did that wasn’t so sweet. At times I was not conducting myself like a lady. Shucks sometimes now I can get out of pocket.

Although I do not have children, I do have a soft spot for kids and I know how I was, and how I turned out was only by the grace of God and being blessed with a mother and father who weren’t critical of others. So, the next time you judge, oh yes there will be a next time, be sure to extend the same grace and mercy you would want someone to extend to your child. You never know when you will be on the other side of the bars. you never know when you will have to pick your child up from a “drunken stupor”. You never know when you will have to hold your child’s hand in the clinic. You never know when you will have to save your child from embarrassment or stigma, so in the meantime focus on saving someone else’s.

Deep in the back of the closet everyone has at least one wire hanger.

Matthew 7 (1-3)

Bosom Buddies

Fall 1998, Georgia Southern University Winburn Hall. As time goes on the specifics get a little hazy, but if I don’t remember anything else I remember the pink blow up chair. When she came in seems like no one else sat there it was her spot. She was the oldest and the “mama” of the group so we respected her as such. She would sometimes come in on a Saturday climb up to the cabinet to get a snack and go back to bed. And there was never a need to knock. She was known around campus as the girl with the big booty and I became known as “you know her short friend with the short haircut, yeah the bow legged one” We along with the rest of the cavalry, yes we named our little circle, were inseparable. She protected me as a mother would protect a child and in turn I loved her unconditionally as only a child could. She could do no wrong in my eyes. I was amazed at her intelligence, the way she wrote papers at 2 am while the rest of us were laughing, watching TV and jumping around on those twin size beds. She was one of the smartest women I knew, but in turn the most humble you could ever imagine. She was liked by all well except that girl who fell down the steps. But even she had to admit my friend was a force to be reckoned with. Through mean teachers, good and bad grades, kick doors, study groups, hunch punch, Sunday dinners, boyfriends, broken hearts family emergencies and those situations that the cavalry will never ever speak of, NEVER, she was always there for me. Before I knew it, I was graduating college and again she was in my corner teary eyed holding the video camera screaming my praises. She was so proud. After all we had lived thru some of the best and worst times of our lives, so we thought. So, years later when she called me as I drove thru Sandhills, a shopping center near my home, I had to stop and sit at the stop sign as she began to tell me she had something that felt like golf balls in her breast. She had braids at the time and immediately shaved them off. No, she didn’t know if she had cancer, but in true form she did things on her terms. So if it was cancer she would not let the treatment take her hair, she took it herself. Then the day came. That day I remember more vividly than I want. Was sitting at my desk working then she crossed my mind. I texted her because I knew it should be about time for her to be done with her doctor’s appointment. She texted me back. And it was what I prayed against. The one thing I never wanted to hear about someone I loved again. She had breast cancer. But she had just crossed over into the 30’s the time when you live the good life because you learned from all the mistakes you made in your 20′ right?? How could this have happened? You see, I lost my grandmother to cancer as a teenager and it hurt me to my core. Now, my friend, my confidant, my protector was sick and there was nothing I could do about it. I jumped up from my desk and quickly ran into a conference room before anyone could see the tears pour from my eyes. I could barely breathe.
The day had come for my friend to have her breast removed another brave decision she made. My friend had a very young daughter at the time; she did not want to run the risk of the cancer coming back. Seems to me she already knew that she would beat it then. In order for it to come back it would have to be gone first. She had claimed her victory and didn’t even know it. The “little sis” and I went to be by her side, with the “nephew” in tow. I ended up staying the night in the hospital, I just couldn’t leave her. It was like we were in Winburn Hall again. But then as I looked at her, the IV’s, and all the flashing lights on those monitors and I quickly realized, this is real. I had to hold back my tears. I would not break down in front of the very person who had always been so strong for me. As I reached down to pick up the wash cloth she dropped while bathing she said, “nope I got it” and proceeded to pick it up with her toes! At that moment I knew my friend would definitely make it. One simple gesture that made us laugh and forget the bandages that were in the place where her breast used to be. That night we laughed and laughed and laughed. I have no idea when we eventually drifted off to sleep.
It’s 2013 now and my friend has 3 beautiful girls. She is as bold, intelligent, daring, humble, loving and strong as ever. She is my hero. She is one of my best friends, more of a sister. My friend, my sister, my Donna is cancer free.
To God be the Glory 🙂

This post is dedicated to my friend LaDonna Peeples breast cancer survivor!

To Donna: Donna I love you more than words can say. Over the years, over the miles our hearts have stayed connected because we have built a bond that can not be broken. God put you in my life to show me how to have faith when you have no control over the situation. Because of you I still believe in miracles. You are my miracle. Love you always and forever.