Until Death Do Us Part: Happy Anniversary

One summer day a man decided he could make a woman’s life better. Although it would not always be sunshine he figured he was strong enough to hold her hand and lead her in the darkness. He thought he may not have much now, but he would so his best to provide for her. He would keep her safe. Safe. He would love her when her body changed, when her teeth began to shift, when her hair began to gray. He would love her when she fell ill and could not get out of bed. He would love her forever. He knew what he wanted. He wanted her. He wanted to respect, cherish, uplift and to make her happy. He not only loved her, he valued her. He could not promise she would have all of the finest clothes, shoes and country club memberships but he could promise to love her unconditionally. This woman wasn’t perfect. But she was beautiful, not just physically, but her mind was beautiful. She was smart, caring and kind. No, he wasn’t perfect either, but I think she saw the God in him. She saw past all of his inadequacies and not so good habits. She saw his heart. He asked and she said yes. She said yes I will be your wife. She said yes to going in blind not knowing what lie ahead. Yes to broken promises, yes to pain, yes to times without money, yes to things she would never be able to share with anyone. Yes to sacrifice. But then again she also said to dependability, consistency and passion. Yes to loyalty and sincerity. Yes to complete open honesty. Yes to being the most important person in his life second only to the Heavenly Father. Yes to being put on a pedestal no one could ever take her off of. Yes to prayer when things got to be too much to deal with. Yes to arguments but yes to “I’m sorry”. She said yes to cooking his favorite meals, yes to rubbing his back after a hard day. Yes to washing his dirty, sweaty, stained clothes as he slept. Yes to continually lifting him up in prayer even when she didn’t feel like it. Yes to bearing, rearing and caring for his future children. Even when he made her worry she still said yes. Even when he disappointed her she still said yes. She said yes to her best friend, her closest confidant. She said yes to love. If her soul ever was to be tied, his soul was the one she needed to be tied too. She said yes. I’m so glad she did. Had she not said yes I may not be here to say yes to that man who someday will propel my life to greater things I never dreamed of. Had she not said yes, I may not have known how I was supposed to be loved. Even though I act like I don’t know sometimes. Had she not said yes, I would never know how to cherish another person so much that I know when something is wrong just by the way he is sitting. I’m so thankful she said yes. She said yes and one day I will say yes too. Because of them, I to desire to marry my best friend. To have that safety, that love, that bond with my husband. I desire to care for another human being above myself. I desire to be selfless. On that summer day my daddy asked my mommy to marry him and all his imperfections. He asked her to accept all his good and all his bad as he would accept hers. Sometimes love really is all you need. If you have true, deep, genuine, unconditional love everything else falls into place.
What God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:9 NIV)
Happy Anniversary Mommy and Daddy. 41 Years. To be continued…

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Focus: December 29, 2015

Random Tuesday thoughts. Yes. I am super excited about 2016, but today I am also excited about December 29, 2015. You say what’s so special about today? I say what’s so special about January 1, 2016.Yes I have an expectation of the things a New Year can bring. But I can’t forget about the blessings of today. Today may be the day all my dreams come true. So, today while many rush away the last few days of 2015, I will focus on the beauty, possibilities, and coincidences of today. December 29, 2015. I will focus on how many today are braving the freezing snow, but the sun decided to peak out at me through the cotton like clouds and warm my cheeks. Today I will focus on how beautiful those birds were in the morning sky, soaring scattered, yet in perfect harmony. Today, I will appreciate how easy it was to get downtown. I will focus on how I did not pass one accident during that morning commute. Today I will focus on how calm I am. I will focus on how God will speak to me thru a soft whisper while I trot about. He will let me know that time is my most precious commodity and I should cherish it. I am in a state of wonder about what will happen today and how it may be connected to my tomorrow. Today, with all I have to do, I will remain at peace. Today, I will focus on being the best version of myself. As they say each day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present. Remain present today and Happy December 29, 2015.

A “Little” faith

If I never feel sadness I would probably take my happiness for granted.

Happiness can turn to sadness in an instant. In the same breath you could be laughing so hard there are tears, and with one sentence those tears are tears of sadness. The good thing is that another happy time will come, at some point. Once I had the faith to know that happiness will find its way back to me then and only then I could accept situations that made me sad. Although it sounds cliche’ I came to a point where I understood that I had to give thanks in all things because God makes no mistakes. I often have to tell myself this which has happened, this what has caused me so much pain, this which has left an imprint on my soul, this which has changed my life, this which has hurt me, this is for the best. No matter how much my heart hurts from a situation I told myself that it is imperative that I find something to be thankful for. Though it sometimes takes a while, well a long time, I had to in order to make sense of things.

Jonas, Little, Cuz, when I first found out that you went to be with the Father I felt a sudden sense of emptiness, hurt and worry not only for me, but for your family and for one of your best friend’s, my brother. As a young girl I watched you form a bond with my brother one that would span your lifetime. I watched the two of you hang out, wreak havoc, but not the kind that would land you in jail, the kind that young boys get into. You blended with my family and he with yours as if you two had the same mother and father. Friendship, true friendship is a beautiful thing. I feel honored to have witnessed a beautiful friendship. From walking around Pinnacle Place during the summer until nightfall, from waking me up on Saturday mornings when the whole crew was in my backyard. Two friends became brothers. I watched you two snap pics before you picked up your prom dates, while you stood “bowlegged” because you said when you are fly you have to stand a little bowlegged. From you saying “lil sis” you can’t go with the big boys right now and that I needed to stay at home. And asking me if I “had one for you”. I never met some one who smiled all the time. I mean all the time. You always had a funny story, a witty comeback and a comforting remark. I loved when you were at the house because I knew I would be laughing for the rest of the night. As we grew up, the bond between you and my brother flourished through high school, college to adult hood. I remember the cruise we took maybe 2 or 3 summers ago, when you could not stop laughing about how many pancakes Brian ate. That was fun. But now you are gone. I stared while you lay there so peaceful never thinking or preparing myself to see a childhood friend that way. I was plagued with happy thoughts and rampant sadness. I sat, simultaneously thanking God for you being at peace with Him and being angry with God for taking you away. When the casket was closing I felt as if an elephant was on my chest. My hands trembled my legs twitched. I breathed deeply and didn’t want to be hugged at the time because if I did I would have crumbled. When it was time to leave, I stepped in the isle and grabbed my brother’s hand. Not sure if I was comforting him or if I needed him to comfort me. I know that he to selfishly wishes that you were still here to come to his wedding, to see his first child born, which I am sure would have been your god daughter, to see him be the man you played a role in him becoming. The friend that you were to my brother makes my heart ache for him and smile at the same time. You meant so much to all of us. I know one day this pain will dwindle and he—we will be able to go on with our lives but never forgetting how you made us feel when you were on earth with us. We will feel happiness again. We must. They say heaven is paradise, I imagine it is, especially with a special person like you there. I love you my friend, my brother. Until we meet again…