King be.

All I need you to understand is that I have a past I am not so proud of. That I will make mistakes and I cry …a lot. Even when I’m happy. Hopefully you will see more happy tears than sad, tired, jealous painful ones. Hopefully I am on the right path to becoming what you have always wanted, but mostly what you need. I will not expect you to read my mind, most of the time. If I have an issue with something you did, I’ll tell you. I will respect your opinion and hope you will respect mine too.

Hopefully you will be able to accept the parts of me that aren’t so pretty. Those are the ones you may not find out about until we’re about a year in. Not just physical flaws but those character flaws. For example like how I can be a little stubborn and shut down when I am angry. Or sometimes when anxiety kicks in and I can’t really articulate what’s wrong. When I complain, it will only be for a moment and most likely due to me just seeking your attention. When I yell it will be because I am really passionate about the point I am trying to explain . When I am wrong and sometimes even when I am right, I will look into your eyes and apologize. We will kiss and makeup.

I hate arguing, that won’t happen often.

When you come home I hope you are happy to see me and the little one, ones or one two and three. I hope I can make your favorite meal, I promise to give it a shot. I’ll try to make our meals balanced with somewhat of the correct amount of protein and vegetables, but I won’t forget dessert if that’s what you want. If you want to, we can go for a little family walk after dinner. I’ll ask you to have monthly maybe even weekly finance meetings with me. Then we’ll meet about the kids and I won’t forget about us. Kids won’t consume us. I’ll be the best mommy I can if that’s in Gods plan but I will try not to forget to be a wife. I’m not afraid of the word submit as long as you give me something to submit to.

I’ll try to remember that you like to be complimented and that you like to be catered to as well.

Until God aligns our paths perfectly King just be. Be yourself. Work towards your goals. Don’t try to impress anyone with anything. Let everything you do reflect your truest highest form of you. One day we’ll meet. Love, your Queen.

If I remember correctly I wrote this before I started dating my now husband. We will celebrate our first wedding anniversary October 30th. He’s truly a King in my eyes. Writing to my future husband made me take a look at myself and realize it would take a special person to love and accept all of me. I also had to be willing to love and accept another persons so called imperfections because I had so many of my own.

I hope that whoever is reading this is currently or will soon experience true love and total acceptance. It’s truly a beautiful blessing.

GirlySquealed out?

Let me start by saying this blog comes from a place of disappointment. Disappointment in myself. 2021 and 2020 actually we’re pivotal years in my life, well the entire world’s lives !! So many changes, so many thoughts, so many feelings remained bottled up. And why didn’t I get them out? Who knows? Not taking the time? Maybe writing in a journal although it’s not much there either. Or just at a point where there is so much oversharing, I was afraid to be lumped in a group of people who talked too much. Or could it be I was afraid of the opinions of others? I am sure it was a concoction of all of these things. Overthinking and keeping things bottled in is something I suffer greatly from. It has made it to where sometimes I think too much and when it’s time to use my brain it’s all thought out! I’ll give myself a tad bit of grace but not too much to rest on or I will do the same thing in 2022. I have to remember why I created this blog years ago. To get the things out of my head. People today call it a brain dump. That’s cool but I don’t want to think of what comes out of my brain as body waste, and that’s kind of what I think of when I see that phrase. I’d like to think of it more as a space to “clear the clutter”. Clearing physical clutter is helpful so I am sure clearing one’s mind of all the accumulation of the day, week or month could prove to be just as helpful. Here’s to “clearing the clutter”. You should try it too!

I lost my voice.

I lost my voice. My voice of reason is no longer a few steps down the hall. Now I must be intentional on hearing the voice. I must reach out, schedule lunches, send cards and funny memes to make sure she knows that I am still here. I am so proud of the voice, proud of her for stepping out on faith. It’s so like her. Never moved by emotions, but carefully thought out plans and faith.

In losing one voice, I have found my own. Although the voice is still a loud resounding force in my life, I now need to listen to my voice. Listening to this inner voice is probably the most pivotal thing I can do in my life right now. And when I doubt myself, that other voice is there to give me a little push. Thank God for the voices of reason He puts in your life. Don’t take them for granted. Listen, learn and grow.

My dress has pockets and so do your police pants.

I wear dresses pretty much 85% – 90% of the time. Short dresses, long dresses, frilly dresses and plain ones too. I can be outside in my garden, at work or just visiting friends and I will most likely be donning some sort of frock- a term my late grandmother used for dresses. And do you want to know what is my favorite feature on a dress is? Something that will make me squeal in the middle of a store when I discover a dress has one or two? You got it- Pockets!! I absolutely love pockets in a dress. They can hold lip gloss, keys and oh my goodness our super important phones we keep strapped to us at all times. It’s a good thing we do. I feel super cool and casual when I can just stick my hands in my pockets and chill out. Pockets just add that hey I’m cooling it factor that “no worries” vibe. So imagine the disgust, rage and heartache I felt when I watched (in part) a cell phone video of a police officer who happens to be white, keep his knee on the neck of an unarmed black man for I believe almost 9 minutes, with his hand in his pocket. His hand was in his pocket and he was looking around like he was sitting in a park bird watching…yeah I know be careful while bird watching. I digress.

This police officer wasn’t shaken, he didn’t appear to be afraid. Heck he didn’t even seem like he was having a hard time at all. Just casually murdering  Mr. George Floyd in the street in broad daylight with his other three police buddies. They may as well have been on a lunch break eating burgers the way they were just chilling out. How can you kneel on someone’s neck so long, while listening to them plead for their life and call for their mama with your hand in your pocket? That murder was not moved at all and killed Mr. George Floyd in cold blood.

I stopped writing and I set my phone timer 9 minutes just to see how long it felt. How many opportunities in that time period the kneeling officer or any of the other officers present could have said okay get up Mr. Floyd and taken him to jail like you are supposed to when you are so called arresting someone. How many opportunities were there in that time period for any one of the officers to say hey get up man you’re going to kill him? Or man this isn’t right? He’s had enough? Or they could have just gotten up, walked away, something.  For almost 9 minutes none of the officers told the murderer to get off this man’s neck? I guess the hand in the pocket of that murderer said it all. It said this doesn’t bother me at all. It said I am accustomed to inflicting harm on unarmed black men and I feel nothing for you. It said I am calmly killing you on purpose. It said Derek Chauvin is a murderer. It said Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng and Thomas K. Lane are all accessories to murder of an unarmed, hand cuffed, black man.

I hope these senseless murders end. It’s honestly too many to write about. The list is so extensive of black people who have been murdered by white police officers and white citizens. And it seems they are never punished for it. They always get off. I can’t understand why it’s okay. I can’t understand how they think you can kill someone because of the skin God gave them. I don’t think I will ever understand that.



Beautifully Budgeted

When people hear the word “budget” some folks act like you pushed an old lady off her cane! It’s a bad word and most assume it means you don’t have money to do anything and you are living in poverty. It’s pretty much the opposite. Budgets allow you to do most things you enjoy while also being a financially responsible adult. As Dave Ramsey once said, “A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went”.

That was always my thing. It just irritated the stew out of me when I would have $300.00 and in a weekend it would get up and walk off and I’m left posting “money missing” signs on trees. Like where did it go? For the most part, I was decent at managing money. But for the for the past few years, I have been in a place where I have become more intentional about my money and building wealth for myself and those who will come behind me. By the end of 2019, the only debt I will have, is my home and a student loan. I don’t use credit cards or owe for anything other than household bills. I began contributing more to my “just in case account” or what some would call an emergency account, to my savings, and 401K. Yes, I still take vacations and occasionally splurge on things I really want. Now I just do it a little more purposefully.

Here let me show you. I make a small budget every other week for the money I take in. I count all sources of income: my regular paycheck from my 9-5 employment, any goods I create and sell, writing gigs, and any services rendered through my event or organizing businesses (Kimberly Elaine LLC) and any other income sources. Then I make my list. It’s so important to write things down. I know, I know you keep it in your phone, but there is nothing like pen to paper. For the sake of this example, let’s just go to my regular 9-5 pay which I use for my household bills. Ok, so back to my list. Write down every bill you have to pay with that amount of money. If it’s due before you are paid again it goes on the list. If you have any charitable giving you do, like tithing or any other charitable contributions, write that down also. Your list should also include how much you plan to place in your “just in case/emergency” account and savings. Savings should be totally separate. Emergency money and savings are two different things! I pay myself also. I typically give myself at least $100.00 for my “fun money”. So if I see a cool journal or sweater I want, I use that “fun money”. It’s like limiting yourself but not limiting because you can spend it on whatever you want. Then I have “grocery money/dining out” and “household” money; I do those every time. I typically also budget in fuel, but that varies on where I HAVE to go. If there is another expense I know is coming, say an oil change, I will adjust the household budget since it includes car care.

It’s pretty simple and keeps you from overspending. It also helps with discipline and figuring out what’s important to you. Do you reeeeally need that 14th pair of boots? Or the latest designer handbag? You may just want it and hey that’s fine too. Just remember to save up for it. By the time you save your spending money to get it, you may realize you can live without it. The biggest thing is that budgets help you to become a good steward over what you have now so you can be responsible with what you get later and hit those financial goals! What? No financial goals?! Well we are going to need another blog for that one. Recently, I was reminded of how my father used to say, “You can’t go all the time” simple words that I have learned to live by. I can’t go (or spend) all the time, not because I am broke, but because I am beautifully budgeted.

If you would like more help on budgeting, a sample template and setting attainable financial goals, feel free to email me at I’d be happy to help!


Why write children’s books with no children?

This is the “bio” from the back of my first book. It explains a part of my writing journey. Enjoy!

Author Kimberly E. Smith, has always been a writer of sorts. Her first journal
was given to her by her father with the advice that she could use it to write
about how much she loved him. That was the spark. Throughout her life she
would often retreat to a quiet place and scribble in her many journals detailing
the days, her dreams and aspirations. Although writing was an enormous outlet
for her, she did not share her love for writing with many people until later in
life. Kimberly has contributed to blogs, online magazines and newsletters
through-out her career as a writer and has a blog of her own called “Girly
Squeal”, where she writes about a wide range of topics. She has recently even
shared some of her poetic side on her blog. Although called “Girly Squeal” this
blog allowed Kimberly a chance to showcase her opinions on more adult topics.
Kimberly took a break from writing in the summer of 2014 to become a foster
parent. Over a year later while caring for her second foster child she began to
learn the importance of starting children off early with good habits, especially
reading. She has always believed children are never too young to learn the
importance of caring for their mind, body and spirit. After caring for two
sweet foster children, Kimberly decided that she wanted to come up with a
way she could give to all little children. That’s when the “Little People Read”
Collection was born. “Sleepy Baby Squirm” was accidentally created from a lullaby
Kimberly made up one night while holding her one month old foster child,
“Sweet Pea”. Shortly thereafter, she turned her lullaby into a bedtime story.
Although there are several books in the collection that focus on helping
children develop good habits and skills, bedtime is often the most needed and
most difficult thing for children to get accustom to. Therefore, Kimberly felt
Sleepy Baby Squirm, would be the perfect first book in the
“Little People Read Collection”.

Old Rugged Tire

True Story. Sometime in April 2018, I needed a tire.To be honest I needed one before that, but I did not feel like the wheeling and dealing at the dealership, nor did I want to go to a tire store to face more unnecessary aggravation. I didn’t really need a tire to go on my car at the time, just one to replace the spare I recently used. When I purchased my car a few years ago it came with a full size spare so I try to keep that in there. Anyway, back to the story. I went to see my parents this particular weekend in April and although I am a full grown adult, my parents tend to worry about me. I guess parenting never stops. I mentioned I needed a spare tire and of course my mommy is looking at me two kinds of crazy for traveling to their house with out one. I asked my daddy would he mind taking my car and purchasing a tire for me, remember baby girl did not feel like the aggravation. So, I pull out my money for the tire and some gas, he may as well fill it up since has the car right? I tuck the cash in an envelope with a note, “one tire and the rest gas thank you!” I place it on the kitchen table right next to my keys so daddy can see everything in the morning. Of course as he walks out the next morning without the envelope (on purpose) and refuses to take it after I try to chase him with it. An hour or two later daddy returns and says to me, “your tire is in your trunk under the mat where the spare goes and I filled your tank.” I thanked him, offered to pay him once again again and was rejected of course.

It’s been over two months and I never checked to see if that tire was where it was supposed to be. I just trusted that it was. Daddy said he had done what I asked him to do. I had faith that when I need that tire, it will be just where my daddy said it was, ready to be used.

This is the kind of faith our heavenly Father wants us to have in Him. Though we can’t see Him or how He is working out a situation we must believe He is there. We have to have faith that whatever we need whenever we need it will already be in place. Father’s Day just passed and I was thankful as I am every day, that I have an earthly father I can have faith in. I have faith that he loves me, will always be there to help and guide me even though he’s already raised me. I still go to him for advice and wisdom. I will never stop learning from him. He has done a substantial amount for me growing up and as an adult and if he could give me the world he wouldn’t. Wait what did she say? I know that’s what you were thinking. Although my daddy has given me more than I could ever ask for he wouldn’t give me every single thing. Instead he taught me how to get it myself, so when he is gone there will be no doubt in his mind that he has raised a strong yet gentle kind self sufficient woman. But while he is still here he wants to still be “the daddy”. And that’s what daddies do, they take care of their baby girls. I know he likes to do things for me but he never wanted to make me dependent on him. Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I have too. Not while daddy is around! I’m a daddy’s girl forever and always but because of him I am also a woman. Thank you daddy.

Pretty Little Liar.

I lied.

I said I loved you when I really didn’t.  I just wanted to make you do things that would cause you to ask for repentance. I laid it on thick. Told you what ever you wanted to hear, and you became my little trick.

I prayed meaningless prayers for you and submitted to your plan. And you did just what I wanted just like a good little puppet. You are far from a real man.

Now, I will move along and have my way in another  life. I found him. He’s sort of like you. Silly, you would give your last to anyone, even those who talk about you.

They take you for a joke and I admit I did too. All I had to do was lie and make you feel like a king and that little check you got, you always would bring.

You don’t think you were the only one did you? How could you think such a foolish thing. You’re a nobody who haphazardly got noticed by me. Oh, did you think I would leave quietly no, no, not me.

I will let everyone know the pitiful pawn you turned out to be. You will only be used until you understand your worth. But you never will because you crave too much attention.

It was fine when you were around, but I liked it when you were gone. I didn’t have to listen to you whine or hide my telephone. Are you wondering if I am talking about you? Why yes I am and him and him too.

You are disposable to me just like the trash you took out. I often wondered why you would never go to your own house. I had other people to see, those that gave me more than you. I know I was spreading myself thin, but I had to entertain them too.

I don’t know how to just be with one person. I want him, you and maybe even your brother too. It’s funny because the one I am with now thinks he’s the one, but he’s just like you, just plain dumb.

I will manipulate him also.

He’ll play right in to my little evil hands. For you, him and you too are nothing but little scared boys. Yes, you thought you were in control. Oh no, can’t you see? The one in control and always will be little pretty me.

Old post from May 2016, still relevant today

I haven’t published a blog since October last year. I just noticed that it was around the time when my granddaddy got really sick and things started going downhill after he had hip surgery. So many lives have been lost since then in this country and personally in my family. My family entered into a season of death like I have never seen before. As a matter of fact I am going to a funeral this Saturday. I came across the below post I wanted to post to my church group after one of my clients committed suicide. I think I did. I don’t remember.Something told me to go ahead and make it public. Remember this is from May 2016 and a lot of things happened to me personally after that. Maybe I will share one day.

Please read below. It’s unedited.

One of my clients committed suicide. It was sad to hear and sadder to even think what could have been so bad so troubling that you no longer wanted to live. It bothers me that the client had no hope. I can’t judge because I too have felt hopeless. Like that could possibly be the only way out. But prayer works. Not just mine but the people who pray for me. Yet in addition to prayer sometimes you just need to get those issues out or maybe get something out of balance in balance. I’ve told people over and over again if you have a tummy ache you got to the doctor to get better. It’s the same with the mind. Everything isn’t a demon. Sometimes you can have a certified sickness or some sort of mental trauma that you need to see someone about. It’s ok, if you need a pill take it. I myself said I would not take medication from a therapist etc, but that’s me and I pray I never have to. You or someone you know may be different.

If you are going thru something I can bet you are not alone. We all have trouble. Talk to someone. No it doesn’t have to be me but if you want I can listen. I won’t judge, I can’t. I may seem to so called have it together but trust me we’ve probably been thru a lot of the same things. I’m just writing this in case someone feels hopeless, I guess like my client did. When I felt hopeless I went to a counselor. At first I did it due to the urging of loved ones, but now I am glad I did. I should have much sooner. I don’t share that a lot because it is a stigma that can come along with having trouble in the mind. People like to label you “crazy” when all you need is a little help or to talk and feel like you aren’t burdening your family and friends. It will seem weird at first, paying someone to listen to you, but I’d rather pay up then to end up…well you know. Yes that may be an extreme case but it is very common. I do believe in the power of prayer, but I do also believe God put people on earth to help us get better whether it is physical or mental. Yes we can go to our leaders, but they may be going thru their own personal battles. Just remember doctors, therapists, counselors and support groups have been put in place for a reason.

The Other Woman

I was the one there when you cried at night and you could not explain what was wrong
Yet you love someone else now like they never did anything wrong
And don’t get me wrong I am happy for you, but it still hurts because of how much I love you.

And you too  in and out of my life in what felt like an instant.
I don’t even know if you are okay and you don’t care to tell me
I was just a pit stop in your journey
But I know you were happy when you were with me

I always thought of the day that you would leave me because I knew you would.
They never stay.
I invest all this time. The headaches the mental anguish. But I knew what I was signing up for. You made me feel like I was special that I meant something to you. The look in your eyes in the morning made me feel like we were the only two people in the world that mattered. But in time you will forget all about me. You will wake up to another. All the love, hugs and kisses and time. Oh the time…

As happy as you were when you would see me. As sad as you were when you are not with me. I still felt like just the other woman.

And now you too have left me. Now what am I to do. Do I give my heart, mind and time to another? Or do I just continue to live happily empty and painfully protected.

I decided I couldn’t stand the pain of being just the other woman again. I must carry on with my life and in time my heart will grow stronger. And one day when it’s time I can maybe try to think about letting another in.

I hope she treats you with kindness, patience, compassion and care. I wish I could see you, talk to you or just hold you in my arms again. Just for a moment…

Dedicated to S&S